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What if it is already too late to save your marriage?

On Behalf of | Dec 22, 2021 | Collaborative Divorce

A report from the California Cognitive Behavior Institute suggests that divorce has often been on the cards long before one partner realizes it. People are sometimes surprised by their spouse’s divorce request, yet the research found the signs will have been there for some time.

Researchers found that women are twice as likely to file for divorce as men, and they may have been sitting on the idea for one to two years by the time they file.

Divorce does not come out of the blue

If you sense your marriage has issues, here are some signs your partner may have noticed them some time ago and already be considering divorce:

  • Up to two years before saying something: They may start doing more without you. Arguments may ramp up, and they may begin to hold grudges about things that previously they would have dismissed.
  • 8- 12 months before filing: They tell you there is a problem. They might suggest counseling in a last-ditch attempt to save the marriage. Or they might increase their usage of “whatever” or something similar as a reply to any suggestions you make.
  • 6 -12 months before filing: They get angry with you and no longer show you the patience they once did. It could mean they have made up their mind and believe the marriage is irretrievable.

Knowing what stage your marital problems are at can help you understand if you have a realistic hope of avoiding divorce or if you too should start to prepare for it. If you are at the stage where divorce is inevitable, then rather than fighting it, you may as well accept your reality and seek help to collaborate with your spouse to bring things to an end without undue delay or conflict.